I smiled as I watched the waves hug my legs. At the age of 55, I still love this place, the memories it brings back to me.
I was spending my last week of summer vacation with my friends at the Carolina Beach when my body decided to ache. So, I had to rest for the whole day and be left alone in the beach house. I went through my emails and saw messages from my employer. Gosh, can't she take a break?, I thought to myself. Then, I heard a car pull over.The next thing I heard was the turning of the door knob and the heavy steps from a man, slowly coming close to my room. I winced and grabbed a baseball bat, ready to hit whoever the stranger was. The door slowly opened, I closed my eyes and hit whatever I could hit.
"Jesus Christ!" a panicked scream came from him as I heard his butt fall on the floor.
I quickly opened my eyes and took a step back as I took in his face in my mind. Suddenly, everything seemed black. It has been 5 years since I've seen him in this very same beach, where he broke my heart, where he chose to leave everything behind, where all our memories went away with the wind.
He looked up at me, titled his head and a recognition crossed his face as he smiled at me. "Selena?"
"What do you think you're doing here?" I scowled down at him, with the bat still on my hand.
"Well, I'm Joe Jonas! Demi invited me. This is all our beach house anyway. We all built this together. Besides, I'm part of the group." He grinned and stood up. "Happy Summer!"
"It was." I snorted and turned my back at him. "I'm going to the beach. I think you're going to have to sleep on the boys' room." I grabbed my things and walked past him. "See you."
"Just a second!" He grabbed my arm and I winced at the feeling of having his skin against mine.
"What?" I scowled again.
"Can I come with?" He smiled.
"No." I fake smiled. "Now, let go." I wiggled off his hand but he only held on tighter. "What do you want?"
"A peaceful afternoon at the Carolina beach with my bestfriend." His eyes bore into mine and I realized my knees were getting jelly-like.
"You're bestfriend is long gone." I rolled my eyes and felt his hand fell from my arm. "You killed her, Joe." With that, I left him. Or at least, that's what I thought. The next thing I knew, he was trailing me off as I walked down the beach. I decided to ignore him for at least half an hour. But he just stayed there, watching me. I walked up to him and nearly screamed. "I thought I told you to leave me alone?"
"I thought I told you that things should never change between us?" His eyes were so sincere it made me want to hug him at that moment.
"You changed everything, Joe. You ruined it. Right here, at this beach. You left me. You left us." I told him with stress on every word. "So now, don't go charging up on me with those brown soulful eyes. I don't like them!" I saw a hint of smile from him right after I said that, and I realized he hasn't changed a thing. Same old Joe. "Don't do that." I told him with a straight face.
"Do what?" He asked.
"That little smile with the sparkling eyes." I pointed out.
"What?" He asked as he did the little smile and sparkiling eyes.
"Fuck you, Joe."
He laughed for a second and then, he smiled sadly. "I'm sorry I did what I did. I truly am. I never should've walked away, just like that. I was just afraid of disappointing everyone if I stay here in Carolina. You know how my parents compare me to my perfect brothers. But that separation with you made me realize how much you truly meant to me. I loved you more than anyone or anything, Selena."
"Loved..." I whispered. "You loved me." I gave stress to the past tense.
"I'm engaged, Selena." He cupped my face. "But you...you will always be my bestfriend. My first love. My first kiss. You will always have this special place in my heart which no one will ever know how special that place is."
Tears started to fall when I saw the same drops coming from his eyes. He was saying goodbye again. At the very same place. "Joe..."
"This lifetime...this isn't for us. We'll find a way. I promise, baby." He kissed my forehead. "I love you. I still do. But I will just keep on hurting you with the life I have. And I don't want that."
"You keep hurting me, no matter what you do." I wiped my tears away before turning my back to him and taking the heaviest steps in my life..
"Selena! What do you think you're doing?" Joe almost screamed.
"Remember what happened at this beach five years ago?" I asked him with blurry eyes.
He looked at me with sad eyes. "I left you."
"Yeah." I wiped my tears again. "But this time...I'm the one walking away." I turned my back on him and never looked back...ever again. Ever.
As I felt every step I took in the cold sand, I heard a voice saying, "If you love something, let go. If it's meant to be, it will come back." My heart twinged as I took in the thought. I waited and waited and waited for so many years but the only person I loved.....never came back.
Well, at least not until I was gone. Joe did come back....to watch my body being buried under the ground.
